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Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

I'm listening to plain sight at the family dinner table, fuckkkk

britishfilth:

Blimey. I feel like you should win some kind of award for bravery!

Don’t get me wrong - I find the idea of listening to “In Plain Sight” literally in plain sight as titillating as the next lady. But am I the only one who thinks it’s a tad impolite to have headphones on at the dinner table? I mean, I can’t even stand it when people whip out their phones in the middle of a conversation (unless it’s an emergency or something really important, mind you). This, however, seems to scream of “Look at me blatantly ignoring you!” Unless Anonymous was listening to the audio without headphones on, in which case I take my hat off to her/him for having balls the size of a minivan.

A pictorial representation of me pre-emptively assuming Anonymous has balls the size of a minivan. You never know, right?

  • Track Name

    I Need You

  • Artist

    britishfilth.tumblr.com

britishfilth:

I Need You
This is for anyone who’s going through a rough patch and wants to feel desired, appreciated and sexually empowered. Detach from your worries for a few minutes and come and hear how badly I want you. Click here to download a higher quality, extended version of this, as well as two full unreleased audios.

After 9 long years of busting my ass, I levelled up career-wise less than a week ago. In addition to earning more than 3 times my original salary (bumping me up to a six-figure income, baby), I’ll have a lot more autonomy and control in the workplace. I started my new position on Friday, but on Thursday night I was so excited and nervous that I couldn’t sleep. Usually I’ll listen to some music or to an erotic audio if I find myself in insomnia’s annoying grip, but on that particular night I was a bit too restless and pumped to just lie in bed with my headphones on. I needed to make some sort of intellectual exercise of it, so I pulled out my good old notepad and stopwatch and basically repeated this, but with the above audio. 

So, some random observations:

1. He says “I need you/it/that” 17 times (give or take 1-2 times) in the extended version of the audio.

2. The regular version of the audio is 15 minutes and 54 seconds long, whereas the extended version is 18 minutes and 25 seconds long. Hence, the extended version is 14.8% longer than the regular version. I’d only ever listened to the extended version until Thursday night, so I was quite surprised at what he left out of the regular version (i.e., it’s a very good 14.8% hint hint, wink wink, and such).

3. This isn’t so much an observation, but I can’t help but laugh every time he does the whole “Mmm, YES!” bit whenever the hypothetical subject in the audio (i.e., the listener) finally stops teasing him. Not in a “Hey, I bet it would be fun to blueball the poor fellow” manner, but rather in a “Good for him, getting a proper fucking at last in the context of this audio!” sort of way.

Ah, I suck all the fun out of these audios, don’t I? Top notch material, though.

Innovation at its finest (kind of)

I normally don’t do this sort of thing, but it’s so damned hot right now. One of the more effective ways I’ve found to cool off, other than running my A/C almost constantly, is to slip some ice packs down my sports bra.

Yeah, I know I’m not exactly packing the double D’s, but that just means a lot less sagging 25 years down the road. Also, pardon the shitty tan line from my watch.

What’s everyone else doing to beat the heat?

Burn, baby, burn

If you factor in the humidity, it is 40 degrees outside. The inside of my apartment is not much cooler.

Fuck, it’s just one of those days when it’s too hot to do anything. The heat just saps all of your energy. I don’t even think I could touch myself right now. All I feel like doing is lying face down on my bed, quietly succumbing to heat stroke.

image

I suspect this is what I’ll look like in about an hour, but without the mens’ shoes.

Ugh, I wish I could just lie in a bathtub full of ice right now. But, you know, without the whole drugged-up-and-missing-a-kidney part.

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